Cant get off this ride!
So I've been travelling, a lot in the past few weeks. More on that later. But I have to share with y'll my cruise to wat felt like a forever purgatory in smoke hell.
So you're in Istanbul, and want to see the city by night, you can like a fool, or me, think that that is indeed a good idea. 'Coz in a foreign country things always go as you anticipate, right? Umm.. that would be "Yok Hayir", in turkish, google it, you may or may not be surprised by the meaning. But in this context lets try and understand exactly wat my expectations are versus the reality.
My Expectation:
I'm expecting a family friendly atmosphere, with nice commentary in the back about the historical landmarks we pass by.
I'm expecting a table service for dinner, and nice food.
Nice relaxing cruise, etc.
Wat I Get:
Are you ready for this, 'coz? I wasnt. It was a long drawn out episode of "Shahs of Sunset", except it was the worst episode that dragged inevitably (read 4 hours long) of that sleazy reality show. There were people smoking cigarettes and hukkah indoors, and having a jolly good time. I wish I had the invisibility smoke proof cloak. We were ushered to a table then another and finally seated. My cue should've been the Arabian Nights get up of the greeters (or watever they're called), that there was going to be loud music. I was thinking Turkish music, but like everything else about this trip, I was wrong again. It was Arabic. The music started before dinner, my ears and nose were assaulted on an empty stomach., and if that werent bad enough we were right behind the dance floor? Was this a revenge I wondered? I knew I had complained to my hotel Manager about my room, and right after that he sugeested this cruise to us. Wow! if he was looking to fool the gullible tourists, boy was he on target. He had said this was a perfect family friendly night time cruise, there will be live commentary on the various landmarks as we pass through the two continents on the Bosphorous. Not! I am pretty sure that he spoke in English but here I am doubting my sanity. The music and misery continued. At this point, I wonder am I too old for this? One thing was for sure I was younger than the grandma footloos-ing on the floor. Then the guys with fake swords and Arabian Nights get up start singing and dancing, and then it got louder. There between the loud music and various kinds of smoke. I wondered what provisions if there were any on the boat for us non-smoking family friendly people. Maybe the upper deck, I saw it when we came in, I think? I fight off the dancing and singing crowd to walk all the way to wat felt like a long boat(it really wasnt). Walking through the crowd though everything seemed multiplied. I was- in the entire crowd the "least made up", "most irritated" and looking to actually actively escape. And what do you think I find after my irate walk,through song and smoke? Roped off upper deck. Huh? WTF? Its raining, no make that pouring, yet its actually an escape to feel the cool breeze. Nothing good though lasts, hence I see the shahs with slick, gelled hair, calvin kein mixed with cigarettes, beelining to smoke outside. Huh?? Soon, I was freezing and engulfed in smoke outside. Also was unwittingly annoying selfie takers coz I was unknowingly photobombing.
I honestly thought of hiding in the bathrooms, I know, gross, but it was a 4-HOUR cruise. Multiplied with eternity..
Also looked for life boats as an active way to escape in to the Mediterranean, but didn't wanna drown in a foreign country. Plus didn't see any life boats on this ship anywhere. Were they hiding them? if they were that would kinda defeat the purpose. But I can bet the 400 Euros I spent on this cruise no one was looking to dive in the Mediterranean like I was to escape the party cruise.
At this point, I'm at the other end of the boat and some VIP tables were told about the dinner surreptitiously, Such secrecy for an important announcement like that, I wondered why? I only knew when the music and smoke paused, that everyone was stampede-ing towards the food. So by the time I get in line there are about thousand in front of me ( Hence the secrecy) and 2 hours later when I'm about to get my food. It happens, the footloosing grandma cuts in front of me to get seconds. She smiles and says "Shukran" and "Assalamaualikum", or vice versa, and I let her cut in front of me, why? 'Coz to the kids in the line with me I wanted to be some sort of example. Or so I thought, till all her 5 kids cut in front of me too. I'm sure they meant to thank me too. But couldn't 'coz the food was too distracting.
Meanwhile, at my table, everyone was asleep. Hooded and Oblivious.
Wat was I gonna tell my nut -free table companions anyways? All the food being served had some types of nuts sprinkled, pistachios on everything, every damn dish. What kind of a jerk would sit and eat while the rest of the table just drinks water and soup.
I sit and hand the fifteen soup bowls to my deep in slumber, party of miserable
(pic above) and they reject my 2 hour labor by simply stating "that looks yucky" and "is the cruise over, can we get off?".
"This is the only nut free thing on the supposed 15 entree menu(I counted 8!) unless they were counting the actual pots), and "No we have 2 more hours".
And then like a bad recurring dream it all started, with renewed energy(must be the pistachios) and went on for 2 more hours and between my 50 or more trip to get air and sanity, the cruise ended. So did our combined table misery.
So you should ask what was the highlight - if u thought dessert then- NO, we didn't get any. Dinner cruise without dessert is absurd, but then we're in LALA Land, and nothing is beyond the realm of possibility. The only good thing about the cruise was that it ended at midnight and I didn't turn in to a pauper like Cinderella but was about 400 EUROS poor..
So you're in Istanbul, and want to see the city by night, you can like a fool, or me, think that that is indeed a good idea. 'Coz in a foreign country things always go as you anticipate, right? Umm.. that would be "Yok Hayir", in turkish, google it, you may or may not be surprised by the meaning. But in this context lets try and understand exactly wat my expectations are versus the reality.
My Expectation:
I'm expecting a family friendly atmosphere, with nice commentary in the back about the historical landmarks we pass by.
I'm expecting a table service for dinner, and nice food.
Nice relaxing cruise, etc.
Wat I Get:
Are you ready for this, 'coz? I wasnt. It was a long drawn out episode of "Shahs of Sunset", except it was the worst episode that dragged inevitably (read 4 hours long) of that sleazy reality show. There were people smoking cigarettes and hukkah indoors, and having a jolly good time. I wish I had the invisibility smoke proof cloak. We were ushered to a table then another and finally seated. My cue should've been the Arabian Nights get up of the greeters (or watever they're called), that there was going to be loud music. I was thinking Turkish music, but like everything else about this trip, I was wrong again. It was Arabic. The music started before dinner, my ears and nose were assaulted on an empty stomach., and if that werent bad enough we were right behind the dance floor? Was this a revenge I wondered? I knew I had complained to my hotel Manager about my room, and right after that he sugeested this cruise to us. Wow! if he was looking to fool the gullible tourists, boy was he on target. He had said this was a perfect family friendly night time cruise, there will be live commentary on the various landmarks as we pass through the two continents on the Bosphorous. Not! I am pretty sure that he spoke in English but here I am doubting my sanity. The music and misery continued. At this point, I wonder am I too old for this? One thing was for sure I was younger than the grandma footloos-ing on the floor. Then the guys with fake swords and Arabian Nights get up start singing and dancing, and then it got louder. There between the loud music and various kinds of smoke. I wondered what provisions if there were any on the boat for us non-smoking family friendly people. Maybe the upper deck, I saw it when we came in, I think? I fight off the dancing and singing crowd to walk all the way to wat felt like a long boat(it really wasnt). Walking through the crowd though everything seemed multiplied. I was- in the entire crowd the "least made up", "most irritated" and looking to actually actively escape. And what do you think I find after my irate walk,through song and smoke? Roped off upper deck. Huh? WTF? Its raining, no make that pouring, yet its actually an escape to feel the cool breeze. Nothing good though lasts, hence I see the shahs with slick, gelled hair, calvin kein mixed with cigarettes, beelining to smoke outside. Huh?? Soon, I was freezing and engulfed in smoke outside. Also was unwittingly annoying selfie takers coz I was unknowingly photobombing.
I honestly thought of hiding in the bathrooms, I know, gross, but it was a 4-HOUR cruise. Multiplied with eternity..
Also looked for life boats as an active way to escape in to the Mediterranean, but didn't wanna drown in a foreign country. Plus didn't see any life boats on this ship anywhere. Were they hiding them? if they were that would kinda defeat the purpose. But I can bet the 400 Euros I spent on this cruise no one was looking to dive in the Mediterranean like I was to escape the party cruise.
At this point, I'm at the other end of the boat and some VIP tables were told about the dinner surreptitiously, Such secrecy for an important announcement like that, I wondered why? I only knew when the music and smoke paused, that everyone was stampede-ing towards the food. So by the time I get in line there are about thousand in front of me ( Hence the secrecy) and 2 hours later when I'm about to get my food. It happens, the footloosing grandma cuts in front of me to get seconds. She smiles and says "Shukran" and "Assalamaualikum", or vice versa, and I let her cut in front of me, why? 'Coz to the kids in the line with me I wanted to be some sort of example. Or so I thought, till all her 5 kids cut in front of me too. I'm sure they meant to thank me too. But couldn't 'coz the food was too distracting.
Meanwhile, at my table, everyone was asleep. Hooded and Oblivious.
I sit and hand the fifteen soup bowls to my deep in slumber, party of miserable
(pic above) and they reject my 2 hour labor by simply stating "that looks yucky" and "is the cruise over, can we get off?".
"This is the only nut free thing on the supposed 15 entree menu(I counted 8!) unless they were counting the actual pots), and "No we have 2 more hours".
And then like a bad recurring dream it all started, with renewed energy(must be the pistachios) and went on for 2 more hours and between my 50 or more trip to get air and sanity, the cruise ended. So did our combined table misery.
So you should ask what was the highlight - if u thought dessert then- NO, we didn't get any. Dinner cruise without dessert is absurd, but then we're in LALA Land, and nothing is beyond the realm of possibility. The only good thing about the cruise was that it ended at midnight and I didn't turn in to a pauper like Cinderella but was about 400 EUROS poor..
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